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Chuck Norris Jokes (or Facts?)

Chuck Norris was bitten by a cobra and after 5 days of excruciating pain... the cobra died.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he defeats it fair and square.

It is better to give than to receive... this is especially true of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

When an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris - just to be on the safe side.

 The best way to determine Chuck Norris' age is to cut him in half and count the rings.

The first rule of Chuck Norris - follow his rules or eat his roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee never actually fought offscreen, if they had the universe would have imploded and we all would have been vaporized.

When Chuck Norris was born the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.

On Valentine's Day Chuck norris gives his wife the still beating heart of one of his enemies (Being the romantic type, Chuck believes every day should be valentines day).

 Chuck Norris never gets brain freeze.

 Even Google can't find Chuck Norris.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

On the seventh day God rested... and Chuck Norris took over.

 The term 'Cowboy' is used because Chuck Norris is the only one qualified to be a 'cowman'.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Chuck Norris can crush facts with his bare opinion.

Chuck Norris knows when you are sleeping, he knows when you're awake, he knows if you've been bad or good so play dead for goodness sake.

Chuck Norris can taste lies.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

 Similar to a Russian nesting doll, if you were to break Chuck Norris open, you would find another Chuck Norris inside - only smaller and tougher.

There are no steroids in baseball, only players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack; his heart isn't foolish enough to attack him.

Chuck Norris can eat just one lays potato chip! 

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter! 

Chuck Norris can dribble a football!

When Chuck Norris exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce for eyedrops.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice! 

Chuck Norris is so fast he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

 Chuck Norris doesn't  read books, he stared them down until he gets the information he wants.

Chuck Norris went skydiving once, but promised never to do it again. One Grand  Canyon is enough.

Chuck Norris's tears can heal cancer. Too bad he never cries.

Faster than a speeding bullet... more powerful than a locomotive... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm up exercises.

 Chuck Norris can draw square circles

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